Forgiving is not forgetting; it's actually remembering—remembering and not using your right to hit back. It's a second chance for a new beginning." These words from Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu anchored Habits of the Heart V, a series that called South Africans to engage critically with our past and acknowledge the intergenerational suffering that continues to shape our present. Under the theme 'Reframing the Legacy: Reclaiming our Future'.
The Rene England Auditorium came alive on Tuesday, 7 October, with music, laughter, and reflection as guests gathered for a Heart-to-Heart Conversation over dinner: an evening dedicated to asking what it truly means to be South African today. Parents, teachers, and members of the wider community joined in this honest exploration of Archbishop Desmond Tutu's vision of a "Rainbow Nation" and whether that dream has been realised or deferred.
The evening opened with a performance by the St John's College Big Band before Dudu Mashele, Head of Transformation and Diversity, welcomed guests. Thabisile Mkhize, Deputy Head: Transformation and Diversity in the College, framed the discussion within the broader Habits of the Heart initiative, a series created for thoughtful and sometimes uncomfortable conversations about identity, belonging, and hope.
The first panel, moderated by Tracy-Lee Edwards, Head of Subject: Perspectives, brought together broadcaster Dan Corder, influencer Amahle-Imvelo Jaxa, and Olympian Geraldine Pillay. They unpacked the contradictions of being South African: a people united by pride and possibility, yet often weighed down by frustration and disillusionment. Their conversation moved from sport to social media, from everyday encounters to reflections on how small acts of empathy might begin to heal old divides. The panel established that being South African means to be active, to be a contributing member of society who does not live with their head in the sand, but rather faces the realities and works towards building the South Africa we want.
Psychologist Erick Kabongo followed with a reflection on identity, using his "power flower" metaphor to show how we can find community in our differences because we are all interconnected. His message — that belonging begins with self-awareness and honest dialogue — challenged and inspired the audience.
The second panel, led by Thabisile Mkhize, featured Stuart West (Executive Headmaster), Lindiwe Dlamini (Executive Director of Roedean School), James Urdang (Founder and CEO of Education Africa), and Dan Corder once again. Their discussion turned to education and how schools, as microcosms of society, hold both the privilege and responsibility of shaping future citizens. They spoke candidly about inequality, inclusion, and the moral task of transforming not only policies but daily practice. "It's heartbreaking," West reflected, "to see how uneven the educational landscape remains."
The work of nation-building is far from finished. To be South African, the panellists agreed, is to act with courage and to stay engaged even when the conversation is uncomfortable.
Reflecting on the evening, Etienne Terblanche, History Teacher in the College, observed: "There was wit, in abundance, and insights which made us reflect on our political, social, economic and educational landscape... We left a little more hopeful in a world in which populists, despots and arch-industrialists run (and incite) riot."
The night left us with hope and determination, reminding all present that Archbishop Tutu's dream of a united and compassionate nation will only be realised through dialogue, empathy, and a shared willingness to keep showing up.
